going to a show in a bit, going to see local legend Sweet Water. finally got approved for a studio up in seattle, been really excited for that. worried about how im gonna hide the fact that i have a cat, but ill figure it out. really want a new tat. feeling real gender today. need to clean up the top of my hair. need to sell some stuff. need to eat.
my mullet is staring to grow back, slowly but surely. split dyed my hair red and blonde, although the dye spread so it's more of a strawberry blonde now. only got four days of work next week and none of them are in the bar. been bumping Heaven Knows recently. bought my dads old xbox one from them even though i probably shouldn't have. my mom is still trying to be a part of my life. haven't folded my laundry in a week since i cleaned them. need to piss so bad. been coding my Rise Against pages like crazy. finally changed the gender designation on my drivers license, and since i did it after i was 21 i didn't have to pay to get the horizontal license. still have no idea what i am going to be or do on halloween. really want to go to a show tomorrow but i don't know if ill get off work in time. and its like an hour away, which means busing will take like 2-2 1/2 hours. but a local band i really love is gonna be there. i dunno. all in due time i suppose.
started training to be a bartender. went to a local show, had a good time and discovered some cool bands. thinking about dyeing my hair black. or red. or both. slowly chipping away at my credit card debt. craving sushi. my hands are cold.
looking for jobs, now especially, since i was informed i had until the end of the year to move out. already done two interviews, fingers crossed on this last one. been budgeting to all hell trying to make this work. played lots of guitar.
shaved my hair recently into a semi-mohawk. really missing my mullet. need to bleach my hair again so i can finally dye it red. excited for my trip on monday to vegas. im almost completely packed. still haven't told my dad im getting a new tattoo down there. have to bring my cat to this pet hotel, which i hate doing. but i don't trust strangers with her, and anyone who could've watched her wasn't able to. turned 21 a few weeks ago and went to my first show as an adult adult. got drunk the day after at Megadeth. have some creative projects that i'm doing for my coworkers, one of which ive already finished. applied to some more jobs, which seem a bit more promising.need to buy a new razor. got into Ice Nine Kills because my friend got me a chain necklace set for my birthday. id heard them before, but now im getting serious about it (/hj). almost done with my lunch break.
feel more and more unwelcome living in my grandmothers house recently. my job has been cutting my hours back more and more, and even though the minimum wage in my city is almost $18 i still can't afford to leave. i almost snagged a room with some queer people in Queen Anne but they don't allow pets. ive started applying to jobs again, but no one is hiring. cut my hair into a mohawk. might bleach it again. im going to a bunch of shows. the soonest one is on my 21st birthday, and i may or may not be going with a coworker. if they don't go i might just sell my ticket and go clubbing with my friend instead. i haven't done a back-to-back show since 2021 when i saw Green Day and Megadeth. i dunno if i can do it again, capitalism has worn down my body to it's bone and taken away the healthcare needed for me to be better again im getting old.
been on a poetry kick recently; writing it, at least. my hand tattoo didn't heal right on the left side, but im too scared to tell my artist. touched up my roots. bought more tea, even though i have plenty. ive been thinking about my trauma a lot recently. it's not very fun.
i have another tattoo appointment next week that im excited for. ive been slacking on my supposedly self-disciplined budget ive been trying to follow, but it's really hard considering how expensive things are. my credit card debt is back up to what it was 6 months ago, right after i'd brought it down to $700. bought two tickets to see Rise Against in november with my little brother, which im super excited about. only now i have a time constraint on getting my car fixed, which i historically dont deal with well. they haven't even got back to me yet, im beginning to think they forgot about me. not to mention the original cost to fix it ($700) is gonna be more because there's no way in hell ill be able to drive it all the way to this specific mechanic's shop from my house without it exploding (/hj). at least another $100. gonna be walking with the seattle aces and aros in the seattle pride parade this month, so that's fun. my mom has been really fucking irritating me lately. she texts me nonstop about things i don't care about. her new boyfriend, random religious proselytizing (im an atheist), texting me like she's writing in a diary. acting like the 3 years of mental (and at one point physical) abuse she put me through didn't happen. i haven't lived with her for like 3 years and she still tries to act like we're on good terms. it'd be funny if it didn't make me want to tear my hair out. even though my step-dad and me are really different, im glad i live with him and not her. i miss my brothers a lot, since they go to her house 50 percent of the time. it makes me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends on the days i have off, because that's usually the only time i can see them. i still love my friends and love hanging out with them. we recently went book shopping and i bought
so all in all its been an eventful however-long-its-been-since-you-last-heard-from-me. ive been bopping a lot of The Gaslight Anthem and Streetlight Manifesto recently. i dunno, ive been in a ska/hardcore mood i guess.
cut and dyed my hair. it's not as light as i want it, but apparently i have to wait to lighten it again. i want another tattoo. the car shop is super backed up, so getting my car fixed will take longer than i thought. i haven't showed up to work on time in at least a week. it's exhausting living at home. >my coworkers have began inviting me to their after-work dinners. a lot of wing stop and big foot java. it's nice to be included, even if i don't talk much. i also redownloaded doordash even though i know ill regret it.
renewed the tabs of my car so now i can actually bring it into the shop i was supposed to bring it to weeks ago. had a great time at a death metal show. finally got to stop pretending that i was actually friends with someone after they threw a temper tantrum about nothing and blocked me on instagram. i have a million different projects that im bouncing my time between. most of them are clothing-related. one of them is this website. im running out of jeans that actually fit me the way i like them (they're always too skinny; curse god for my breedable femboy hips!). the last time i went in to the thrift store the woman who runs the fitting rooms made me feel like an asshole for not buying anything i tried on so now im scared to go back which is double awful because i have a million things to donate. listening to London Calling by The Clash a lot. i havent played guitar in a while because i compare myself to other guitarists too much. i want to start going to the gym again but there's only one gym in my area i could feasibly go to and i never paid my last membership off because i'd lost my at-the-time job and i don't want to deal with the embarassment of telling someone this story. ive been having some gender crises, and my trans tape is starting to itch.
been listening to a lot of zebrahead and sundogs recently. just been working at my host job to get an apartment. trying to find a second job since i make minimum wage and i can't get any hours at the restaurant. finally fixing up my car after ages of letting it sit vacant. haven't slept in a proper bed since last year, just been duking it out on an air matress that deflates every night. mostly im just keeping myself busy with my projects, and surviving in this capitalistic nightmare world