kurt cobain didn't wear dresses

kurt cobain didn't wear dresses
twisted sister isnt drag
freddy mercury wasnt queer
my idols can't be fags

frida kahlo couldn't have been bisexual
she's married to a man
columbus and the natives ate dinner together
and no blood was bled
rosa parks was "just tired"
at least, that's what the history books said
and no, they weren't lovers
just really. good. friends.

kurt cobain didn't wear dresses

because maybe, just maybe,
i would actually have to admit that
faggots can write songs
and the drag queens didn't trans my kids
and every MLK day i quote
a socialist who was more radical
than prager u would have you believe

but kurt cobain didn't wear dresses

route 🧶

i walk the same route
to work every day
despite the true crime influencers
and talk show hosts,
who tell me
it's a sure-fire way
to become a missing poster
inside the local walmart

i walk with my headphones in,
in the city, late at night

i take shortcuts in alleys
and take the bus
to the taco bell downtown
where my dad told me
the riff-raff like to hang

ive never been one to take precautions
because i know
no matter how many

drinks, i turn down
articles of clothing, i wear
or keys, i keep between my fingers

they'll still tell me
what i should've done better
if anything ever did happen.

and everytime they do,
all i hear
is "you should've been born a man"

ode to cascadia 🧶

she is the only constant in my life
i love her textured skin
filled with mountains,
creeks, and lakes
the peach fuzz pine that covers her face
makes the summer heat a bit more bearable
i'm content when she cries,
and even though it's cruel
she never holds a grudge
because she knows it's not personal
she never complained when we built towers
or buildings or bridges or homes
and every time the mountain is out
i smile,
knowing i have a friend

clothes 🧶

his gildan shirt clung to his chest
and tapered off the further
down his body it went
it looked great on him
but it looked a lot better
laying atop my lampshade

my hand felt across
the patches and pins
scouring his jeans
the dental floss caught
on the guitar-induced callouses
of my fingertips

slowly, un-donned
his skin no longer
with a barrier to mine

...

his boxers sat on my hips
far better than his

my necklace looked nicer
clipped around his neck

and his shoes were always better
when they were sat
by the door of my apartment

untitled 🧶

scattered on my person
littered on my frame
purple and yellow bruises
dot across my face
work is like a boyfriend
that gets worse as you age
what would these walls tell me
if i bowed to them and prayed?

mosaic 🧶

i laugh at One Piece memes,
even though i've never seen it,
because a boy-i-tried-hooking-up-with loved it

the only reason i gave the yakuza series a shot
was because of an old friend—
who i had fallen out with
—who absolutely loved it

my regular go-to coffee order
is the same as my moms;

and her love of soap operas
lives on in me

"i am a mosaic of everyone ive once loved"

once, being the key word

the boy-i-tried-hooking-up-with
can't tell me about the last album he bought
and i won't be able to put
the singles from it on my playlist

the slang i once took from my ex-best friend
is permanently stuck in 2016
and his mannerisms have long since
faded from my subconcious mind

there's pieces of my mosaic missing

because the people ive taken from
aren't here
for my kleptomanic tendencies

ghosts 🧶

last online: august 14, 2016
an old roblox account i cant get back into
removeddit and orphan_account
and a nine year old comment on a youtube video
from a country across the world from mine

ode to the jellyfish 🧶

i met a girl last summer
at shilshole bay
where the puget sound
met lake washington

i almost missed her the first night
wreaths of seaweed framed her face,
stained glass skin
peaked above the salt water,
and all i could make out
were small stars
floating in her stomach

her stringy braids
were caught on the dock
inbetween the planks

old wives tales
and middle school science class
told me to walk away,
but my hands worked faster than my brain

she didn't say anything
or nod or wave or smile
but i knew she was thankful

—i swear i saw her wink

devolution 🧶

overtly overbearing fathers teach
the tricks to their own kids
clearing their browsing history
and faking an occupied bed

i dont want his temper
or his hatred
i want his drive and yearning
not his innate fakeness

egoistic mothers
love to treat you like you're dumb
they force us to be daughters
when we want to be their sons

i learned a lot from her

whether it's what she hoped or not
i will be better than her
i will be everything she wasn't

trace elements 🧶

i like to buy things
on ebay;

used things
with stories

claw machine prizes
and christmas gifts
that sat in storage
trapped in boxes,
label over label
until they decide
it'd be better off with me

when i open that package
and reveal my piece
an aroma alien to me

cigarette smoke
and old cologne

traces of someones love

asymmetry 🧶

i fall betw
een the pri   the
me meridian     sky  
my body fol        line
ded a milli-------------
on ways ori   is
gami'd unti     pre
l i can't s        ttier
ee myself a--------------
s me who  i   on
am is unkno      my
wn to those        own;
that are th--------------
e closest t   sile
o myself in      nce
between the        is my
closet  and--------------
the unemplo   new
yment  line     favo
the old que        rite
eer special          song
--------------------------
    

quiet 🧶

"poetry is supposed to suck a little bit"
flowery language
made for pinterest
sentences
that don't really mean anything
with randomly placed italics
and line art
that has nothing to do with the theme
of the poem
quiet as in not loud,
or quiet as in doesn't speak?

writing class 🧶

"poetry is supposed to suck a little bit"
i told myself
in my high school writing class
hours old drip coffee
no longer cold
sitting to my left

the over-the-top edge
i developed under fluorescent lights
was a bit more than necessary

"poetry is supposed to suck a little bit"
i tell myself
sitting at the dining room table
writing straight into the html tag of my neocities page

three years have passed
and i still write useless diatribes
about how sad i am

—a coffee to my left

some things change
some things stay the same

U3 🧶

its 1:32 am and im googling images
of apartments i used to live in
crisped and color-corrected
until they're no longer plausible

unnaturally florescent cyan pools
with not a dead wasp or twig in sight
stand out among the freshly cut lawns
and dark oak buildings
they repainted since i left
no more chipped brown paint
with moss growing in the cracks
the fences are still rotting, though

i guess not everything can be perfect

the buildings still surround
the picturesque courtyard
with firs,
a park,
and hounding parents

claustrophobic all the same

someone else lives there now
in apartment U3
i don't know who
but i imagine they're a lot like i was

i hope that the kids are taking care of the place
that they still ride their bikes around the parking lot
and wipe out over speed bumps
and the laundry room is still the primary hangout spot
for awkward loser pre-teens like me
i hope that the pool is still closed for maintenance—
like it always is
—and the ice cream truck still makes it's way around the block regardless

so that when they,
inevitably,
get priced out
the next batch of poor kids
will experience it too

villaelle 🧶

a love letter in my locker with a pretty red bow
he cupids his arrow, but it still doesn't land
i exist in a place demonized by most

no water, soil, or fertilizer; nothing to be grown
a cattle to the herd with no loving heart-shaped brand
im on the other side of unrequited love

halved in his chest, the x-ray does show
romance isnt a tool that i have in my hand
i exist in a place demonized by most

black eyes and busted lips are the closest that ill know
to highschool sweetheart boyfriends with hidden knuckle brass
im on the other side of unrequited love

used, abused, and ran through; you reap what you sow
too late for me, i guess, no take-sy backs
i exist in a place demonized by most

"a life of sex and lust is nothing to boast"
every indulgence taken part in... not meant to be that
i exist in a place demonized by most
im on the other side of unrequited love

dali 🧶

he hovers over me
hands planted on either side of my body,
carefully balanced above.

we stayed in this position for ages
our joints surely stuck
sweat cascaded from his skin,
dripping like analog
glinted across his warm-toned tan body;
the street lamp outside
made for nice lighting

the air around us warped with heat
he leaned his head down to kiss me,
steadily with shake,
and I melted underneath him

he kissed me
his hands traveled up my shirt
my breath hitched
he kissed me again

the windows fogged
boys will be boys
and all I can think of is Titanic '97
ripped through concentration

the walls came down,
and I laid motionless on my bed—
the blue hue of my phone taunts me

these accounts, on lifted stilts,
finally came crashing down
now existing as pings on a cell tower

i wish it could be more
at least, I think I do
it won't be though,
and there's no one to blame but me
in what could only be called
"the consequences of my actions"

sa

my best friend unalived herself today
my girlfriend's dealing with SA,
and a piece of me is graped

l3$b1an5 and f@ggots too risque
genocide isn't PG
algo-rhythmically insane

blues 🌷

am i a bad person?
the thought keeps me awake
into twilight
"if you're asking that
you probably aren't bad!"
that doesn't make me good
kleptomaniac blues

co-dependant 🌷

anxiety tricks my mind
into thinking everyone hates me

and adhd
makes sure i'm not listening anyways

they're more in love
than i will ever be
—which doesn't say much

butterflies 🌷

if you came looking
for a cocoon metaphor,
you have the wrong poet
my melancholic despair is not muddied

with a menagerie of meaningless words
my poems don't paint
lavish landscapes of love, and loss.
i am not Dickinson
i am not Silverstein
Shakespeare nor Homer
i am a lot of other things,
but mostly
i am a hypocrite
bring out the butterflies, baby

abscond 🌷

klepto callings
of the easiest kind
pockets lined
with the crumbs of a candy bar
and several CDs
as i leave the store
a tag where my body once stood

forgiveness 🌷

people tell me to forgive you
"blood is thicker than water"
i tried being understanding
i tried getting you help
i gave you time
and nothing seemed to change
so i blocked your number
and cut off ties
maybe someday i can find it in myself
to forgive you for what you've said
is it anytime soon?
maybe, maybe not

eclipse 🌷

sheets of dark matter
speckled with stars,
and pillows of cosmic dust

i hide in them, with you
my own James Webb

loom over me,
as the sun to the moon,
and kiss me sweetly—
a total eclipse

blooming 🌷

vines grow;
roots constrict my chest,
but they must
if im to truly bloom

haunted 🌷

the ghosts of bay view
national guardsmen;
militia or gestapo?
only time tells

"ignore the Poles,
and their families too
tradesmen make good practice,
so just shoot to kill"

the milwaukee special

spiralling 🌷

There
Is
Only
So many
Numericals in
The Fibonacci Sequence for
Me to use in this lazy poem that I've put no
Effort into whatsoever, but I've already committed to the bit... So there.

overthinking 🌷

The fear of being forgotten.
The fear of death.
The fear that nothing will change.
The fear that my life will make no difference.
The fear that I will sit idly,
Watching the world get stripped from itself,
And be powerless to stop it.
The fear that what I do won't ever be enough.
The fear that every decision I make is the wrong one.
The fear of becoming everything I hate.
The fear of wasting away.

extinction 🌷

oil rigs
toll and dig
"make it big!"
they told him long ago

balls go rolling
cargos falling
fuel's spilling
carbon outnumbers the air

seattle is underwater
be that it's no longer
a miniscule problem
solved with thread and tape

survivors plead
atop floating debris
swept to sea
as the needle makes its final stand

united 🌷

"united we stand, divided we fall"
empty mantras
and emptier actions

liberalism; fake warmth

they tell us to behave
so i keep my cup on the coaster
and my elbows off the table
lest i be killed in the street
and discarded with the rest of the litter

trans girl murdered at 16
and no end in sight
it's no surprise

after all,
we are
but a preposterous ideology

blackout 🌷

scratched lottery tickets
meet unopened bills
and a court date set in July
is pushed to the back of his mind
as he is swept up
in fireballs and gin
rings cast his table
from drinks, unaccounted;
blending days
blend harder
when blacking out becomes routine

strobe

lights may lie
and love might be a nice cushion,
but angles and eyeliner
don't cover acne
and my other imperfections.

fickle are my choices
they stem from boys attention.

validate,

desecrate,

and build me from scratch.

pick a different face,
and a nicer ass.
dream of me
not as I may be,
but as you'd like me so.

china & meringue

what idiot puts strawberry sauce in a China glass?
a vase on the top shelf,
in the middle of tornado alley.
pureé flows out of the cracks in her skin
that stain her gloss red,
sank into the cream colored carpet,
smear across her,
and splatter onto the rubble.

the turning of a lock was useless.
the walls had already collapsed.
once discovered,
he cradled her pieces.
not because he didn't want to break her anymore,
but because he was afraid of cutting himself.
like she'd already done
many times before.

paper rings

i make paper rings
though I know they do not last.

worn around the creases on my finger,
printed onto them with every movement.

sweat sponged in
from every waking night;
color stripped
with every point of light.

i make them,
not to display on a shelf
never to be touched,

but to live with me
as if we were one.

L1C3NCE PL4TE5

judge by the tabs
judge by the state
judge by the cover
judge by the date

i never judge
by your height or your weight
i only judge
by your license plates

hey, its god!

over the hills past the blood-oath alter
through the field of end
i crossed my heart and,
told a lie

when eve ate that forbidden fruit
the snake turned back again
for god hated their
insufferable need
knowledge sucks when its all
fake and fucked

please bring down your fire and brimstone
crush me with your Hell
salute to me, and drain me dry
maybe I might find my way

flush the world of all its good
chaotic little sins
and hope that you dont miss a
single spot

crush strike maim pray
rinse and repeat

01101110 01100010

would it be easier
to keep my legs inside the ride at all times?
not a boundary overstepped

a woman becoming a man
is a lot more digestible
than a woman becoming an anomaly

emotionally stunted
eyes a sunken sewol
id dress like a punk
tight hugging band tees
and baggy denim jeans;
eyeliner that doesnt misgender me

i want to be a man,
but not in the way that a man is a man
in the way that i am

my finnick is my downfall;
not man enough for the gay men
too gay for the straight men
foolish to think it any other way

day to day,

i am a woman to the checkout lady on a sunday afternoon,
and the customer i ring up monday morning
not man enough to sever my chest,
not woman enough to look at it

i know what i am

an enigma
a pawn
a talking point

what people don't understand,
what they choose to fear instead

clay dolls