kurt cobain didn't wear dresses [19.09.23]

kurt cobain didn't wear dresses
twisted sister isnt drag
freddy mercury wasnt queer
my idols can't be fags

frida kahlo couldn't have been bisexual
she's married to a man
columbus and the natives ate dinner together
and no blood was bled
rosa parks was "just tired"
at least, that's what the history books said
and no, they weren't lovers
just really. good. friends.

kurt cobain didn't wear dresses

because maybe, just maybe,
i would actually have to admit that
faggots can write songs
and the drag queens didn't trans my kids
and every MLK day i quote
a socialist who was more radical
than prager u would have you believe

but kurt cobain didn't wear dresses

paper rings [09.04.23]

i make paper rings
though I know they do not last.

worn around the creases on my finger,
printed onto them with every movement.

sweat sponged in
from every waking night;
color stripped
with every point of light.

i make them,
not to display on a shelf
never to be touched,

but to live with me
as if we were one.

01101110 01100010 [09.04.23]

would it be easier
to keep my legs inside the ride at all times?
not a boundary overstepped

a woman becoming a man
is a lot more digestible
than a woman becoming an anomaly

emotionally stunted
eyes a sunken sewol
id dress like a punk
tight hugging band tees
and baggy denim jeans;
eyeliner that doesnt misgender me

i want to be a man,
but not in the way that a man is a man
in the way that i am

my finnick is my downfall;
not man enough for the gay men
too gay for the straight men
foolish to think it any other way

day to day,

i am a woman to the checkout lady on a sunday afternoon,
and the customer i ring up monday morning
not man enough to sever my chest,
not woman enough to look at it

i know what i am

an enigma
a pawn
a talking point

what people don't understand,
what they choose to fear instead

strobe [09.04.23]

lights may lie
and love might be a nice cushion,
but angles and eyeliner
don't cover acne
and my other imperfections.

fickle are my choices
they stem from boys attention.

validate,

desecrate,

and build me from scratch.

pick a different face,
and a nicer ass.
dream of me
not as I may be,
but as you'd like me so.

china & meringue [10.10.22]

what idiot puts strawberry sauce in a China glass?
a vase on the top shelf,
in the middle of tornado alley.
pureé flows out of the cracks in her skin
that stain her gloss red,
sank into the cream colored carpet,
smear across her,
and splatter onto the rubble.

the turning of a lock was useless.
the walls had already collapsed.
once discovered,
he cradled her pieces.
not because he didn't want to break her anymore,
but because he was afraid of cutting himself.
like she'd already done
many times before.

Self-indulgent Nightmare [16.10.21]

My brain is a bit dysfunctional;

The understatement of the year, I know.

Until I can find a way

To find someone who can deal with my unlovable attraction problems,

I'll simply live in my head.

Just...

Don't remind me of what I look like

Hadn't you forgot?

Im trying to live in a disconnected fantasy world where someone actually loves me, so...

Don't overpaint the picture.

When the dreams of euphoria, intimacy, and fantasy are over

I realise

That I'm going to be stuck in this cycle-

Of a self-indulgent nightmare.

And when the dreams are over, and I leave my love's arms for the cold hold of a bed,

I simply start the day again.

Aromantic (Not By Choice) [16.06.21]

I ride the high
Of self-indulgence
Until it's no longer there.

I read and write, and listen
And yet,
Nothing ever comes of it.

Because even though I want someone to love,

Or hold,
Or kiss,
Or both,

I don't feel love.
So I sit quietly, zipping my lips.

Because although I've tried

and tried,
and tried,
and tried,

I don't feel
But rather just lust

Am I a whore, or a slut?

I choose and choose the people I say I "love"

But I've been told that's not how it works

(Don't ask me, I just work here.)

Is this any way I can live?
Maybe,
Maybe not

He Keeps Looking Back [03.06.21]

Sitting in class, not a thought running through my mind
Clicking the same button time after time, after time
My eyes stare on, barely having a function at this point

Until I sense--

Someone looking at me

A row to the front, a seat to the left
His head tilted towards me ever-so-slightly

And so I looked back at him
With the power of a Wattpad romance,

He quickly turned away

And even if it isn't true,
I'd like to think it was something about me...

L1C3NCE PL4TE5 [19.05.21]

judge by the tabs
judge by the state
judge by the cover
judge by the date

i never judge
by your height or your weight
i only judge
by your license plates

missing.ttf [22.02.21]

Lost.

Stray, Astray

Off-course, Off-track

Disorientated, Disoriented

Adrift, At sea, Unable to be found.

Missing; Strayed

Misplaced; Mislaid

Vanished,



Disappeared & Forgotten

Absent, Away...



Gone.

Lost in my Own Head (Unfortunately) [10.02.21]

Lust and love

Are often intertwined,

Which may be

The reason why

My feelings are often confused.

It may or may not be

The ramblings of a dumb teen

Who is so far lost in her emotions

That she cant see the shit right in front of her,

Whatever the fuck it is.

I'm desperate all time,

Wondering why

When October hits

I can never seem to find

A good reason for my feelings being feelings.

Or a good answer to why this lust disappears

After just a few months.

I look in the mirror

At this broken motherfucker,

Looking for any excuse

To kiss the guy she loves.

Or at least, thinks she does

Because she doesn't know if she loves him

She doesn't ever know

Whether the person she fantasizes about every night

Is only a tool she uses

In her perverted mind.

But she can't think too hard.

No, then she would always

Look at the way she dresses

Or talks, or looks, or acts

And couldn't ever imagine

Herself, to the truest form

With the boy she may or may not love.

The one and only her

Is overshadowed by the better her.

The "her" that someone could stand

Especially, to love.

Why would a guy ever fall,

For the self-centered, masculine wanna-be

Who's only concern

Is getting laid.

But she doesn't know

Whether she's actually fallen for him,

Or the feeling of being with him.

When your mind is so fucked

With feelings of wasted youth,

You tend to dwell

On the uneventful.

I'm more of this "She"

Than people ever notice

Or tend to care about.

Because the person

I recognize

Standing behind the mirror,

Is unequivocally me.

Eagle Beyond the Clouds [09.09.19]

He's like an eagle beyond the clouds

A fierce hunter of my imperfections

Untamed, and untouched by humanities hands

A free bird, caught in my noose

My words evade, but there is no melody

My body persuades, but there is no movement

My mind arrays, but there is no reaction

And the matchmaker has pushed me into his arms

For she has no remorse

Is this some kind of sick game?

Have I disturbed the wrong demon?

Or am I simply the serpent,

Here to delude young men into eating the forbidden fruit

He's like an eagle beyond the clouds

A fierce hunter of my imperfections

Should I entangle this eagle with my chains, forged of burden?

Or should I let him soar, far beyond the reach of my agony

Without me, to halve his heart

sa [??.??.??]

my best friend unalived herself today
my girlfriend's dealing with SA,
and a piece of me is graped

l3$b1an5 and f@ggots too risque
genocide isn't PG
algo-rhythmically insane

hey, its god! [??.??.??]

over the hills past the blood-oath alter
through the field of end
i crossed my heart and,
told a lie

when eve ate that forbidden fruit
the snake turned back again
for god hated their
insufferable need
knowledge sucks when its all
fake and fucked

please bring down your fire and brimstone
crush me with your Hell
salute to me, and drain me dry
maybe I might find my way

flush the world of all its good
chaotic little sins
and hope that you dont miss a
single spot

crush strike maim pray
rinse and repeat

clay dolls [??.??.??]