2024

31.03.24

i love my friends so much. █████ just called me drunk at 1 am. shes so lovey when shes drunk. i dunno, i like calling them, since I dont get to see them often.

19.02.24

Im really fucking bad at guessing peoples ages. so I really hope that this dude at O'Reily's is >18 (preferably definitely not in HS becaue ough.) because everytime I see him we talk about music ane he seems cool. I wouldnt NOT be nice to him if he was in HS but I definitely wouldn't date him if that was the case.

2023

22.11.23 ⚠ Transphobia

i remember when my mom asked me if i was queer. i remember finally thinking that I could be my authentic self. i even remember her response when I told her i was non-binary

"even though you're still a girl?"

i gave her the benefit of the doubt until the night that I had one of the worst fights of my life.

recently, as in a few months ago, i remember my dad finally starting to use gender neutral language for me. finally attempting to use they/them pronouns until my mom found out. shes a fucking vulture;

it fucking sucks.

i really fucking want that apartment and im not trying to hype myself up because i dont want to be disapointed if i dont get it... but i cant help myself

??.11.23 ⚠ Mentions of Sex

That super awesome and totally not infuriating moment when you waste 3 hours either on a bus or waiting doing nothing just for the driver of the transfer bus that you have to catch ignore you on one of the two days you have off? Its so fucking annoying but at least ive had plenty of time to think. I dont know whether this is just general horniness/pent up urges or what but I swear to god I want to fuck the first cute guy i see. maybe when I go to ███ to visit i can get dolled up and give some dude my number (or my virginity, whichever comes first). I might start shaving again, at least for this weekend. I still dont knowif I feel better shaving or not. Or maybe I do know and I just dont want to admit it. Whatever the case may be all I know is I am definitely going to pack up some slutty fucking outfits, I dont care how cold it is. Save the weather appropriate shit for the bus ride home. Who knows, maybe ill see that cute metalhead from the pizza place.

??.??.23

i love when the consequences of my actions (now!) comes back to bite i continue doing them even though i am aware of how destructive it is and i can recognize it

2021

15.12.21 ⚠ Transphobia, General Bigotry

I think I'm a people pleaser. I have pretty low self-esteem & I always apologize to people for things. I seem to make excuses for people. I get a sense of dread from opening text messages because I'm afraid they'll be mad at me. I don't know why it doesn't translate to the house, or at least my parents. When they start yelling usually my instinct is to say something or not speak. Maybe it's cause they always talk misinformation. They have such little empathy or sympathy for people. They talk about how they dislike homeless people, how people in jail for drug offenses should just "not do the crime", the police ignoring left-leaning people because they believe acab (last I checked, people shouldn't be denied 911 because they disagree), LGBT+ youth shouldn't be taught their history. How can people be like that? It's so fucking dumb and ignorant. Im not even out yet. They've already made their stance on non-binary & gender non-conforming people clear. Especially mom. It fucking irritates me how she'd called them "confused people." And then acted like I was the idiot who didn't know what I was talking about. I'm excited for next years pride, though. Maybe ill go with my friends.