Prologue: The disclaimer

I use the idea of "choosing to love" a lot in this writing. It may seem hypocritical that I, someone who touts aromanticism as a born-identity like gayness or transness, am saying something as obviously backwards as this. I don't want you to think of that phrase literally, though. Because as I've learned through the entirety of my aromantic life, "love" doesn't have a set definition. Love is discussed in alloromantic circles with non-answers. "You'll know when you feel it," was something I heard constantly, so it was no wonder I felt broken when I never did. When I use "chose to love," I'm talking about the choice to be intimate— physically, mentally, emotionally —regardless of your actual attraction levels.

Idea I: Discrimination

Aromantic people experience unique forms of discrimination that are underrepresented in queer intersectionalism, often considered unimportant or even juvenile.

Aromantics who don't participate in dating culture or amatonormative relationships become social oddities. This is especially true of aromantics who still partake in sexual acts, and doubly when those are promiscuous. Aromantics who do aren't considered at all in the public's limited consciousness of the idea of aromanticism.

Aromanticism is often a footnote to asexuality, barely ever talked about as it's own concept. The rise of "anti-SAM" or "anti-split attraction model" aromantics does further harm to this. Not in their own detachment with the term, but their consistent antagonism and dissection of what they claim as a flawed model.

A lack of romantic attraction by an individual in modern society is always taken as attraction to a different gender unless outwardly stated, with public knowledge of aromanticism being nearly none. This is both a cause and effect of a lack of aromantic representation in the media.

Unconsidering beliefs and actions towards aromantic people are often present inside our own community. Queer activism often begins and ends with the freedom to love. "Love is love," is an inherently exclusionary motto and still one of the most popular slogans used. Because "love" is pedestaled to the forefront with little regard to the queer people who don't experience it.

Idea II: The pillars of aromanticism

1. The toppling of tradition and heteronormativity, whether choosing to partake in romantic relationships or not. The lack of romance, deeply required in the populations idea of relationships, is inherently radical.
2. The acception of your aromantic identity is an (ironically) loving act of selfishness. One that puts yourself above the familial, societal, and religious expectations that "love" is required of. In this way, your choice to "love" those around you is a personal one, not an allo-biological one.

Idea III: What now?

1. Dismantle the nuclear family that exists in your mind. Practice relationship anarchy. Remember the best friend who abandoned you for their partner. Become angry.
2. The intersection of aromanticism and other forms of queerness often leads way to uniquely difficult struggles, both internal and external. You cannot let it take a backseat to your other identities.
3. Love on your own terms, if you chose to "love" at all.

A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk, doing nothing in particular; mostly a bit of HTML coding with some music in the background. Same old, same old. After I'd heard the entirety of the 2010 Rock Am Ring performance a fair amount of times, I figured it was time for something else to listen to. And wouldn't you know it, YouTube had just reccomended me a cover of one of my favorite songs. A video titled Rise Against - Hero of War (In a bunker in Afghanistan).

Initially, I hadn't put much thought into it. It's not exactly groundbreaking; soldiers singing about how bad war is is as old as war itself.

... But that's not what this is.

The original song, if you didn't know, is an anti-war acoustic ballad written by the melodic hardcore band Rise Against. The song tells the story of an unnamed protagonist, who is persuaded by a recruiter to enlist in the military. With promises of adventure and money, he signs up— only to realize that he (literally) didn't know what he was signing up for. He throws away his principles and partakes in unnecessary violence on his tour overseas. By the end, the now-veteran is back in his home country without his flag-waiving patriotism he'd once had as he recalls the recruiters first words to him in bitter irony.

"Different events in this war... everything from Guantanamo Bay to Abu Ghraib to Haditha, where 25 innocent civilians were killed in what appeared to be a revenge killing of U.S. soldiers. Simply donning a uniform doesn't make you a perfect or noble person. There are people who did some serious wrongs in this war and they did them in uniform. You can't generalize anything with soldiers. With that said, the song isn't even a condemnation of soldiers or the Army or Armed Services — it's just a story. It's a story I'm hearing from our fans, it's a story I'm reading about from soldiers coming home. And it's a story that needs to be told."
—Tim McIlrath, via The Red Alert (2008)

Watching this video was a puzzling experience, to say the least. The grainy footage, circa 2012, is a familiar nostalgia to someone who grew up on 2010's internet (like myself). A group of U.S. servicemen in Afghanistan play the song on a shitty guitar in a dust-filled bunker, with smiles on their faces despite their situation! A staple. This video is different, though. They aren't singing Call Me Maybe, they're singing Hero of fucking War. Like blokes at an Irish pub. They belt out the lines about loving your flag and fighting terrorism alongside your buddies, about brotherhood and selflessness. It's not just that, either. When the turn of the second verse comes in, their tone noticably shifts. You can tell which lyrics they agree with, and the lyrics they sing because they're in the song. It's tone deaf, it's contradictory, and it's just straight-up odd.

I like to call this phenomenon the Bruce Springstein treatment. When Born in the U.S.A was released in 1984, people had a similar blindness to it. They reveled in the chorus and simply never learned the verses. It's the unfortunate consequences of writing sarcasm and irony; the people who don't want to hear it simply won't. I think this video speaks volumes. Not just about the people in it, but the ones who consume it. In the culture of militarism, and its effect on both the people affecting and the ones affected.

Eden Knight was a Saudi Arabic trans woman living in the United States, who on the morning of March 12th 2023, was discovered to have died by suicide after a twitlonger (which, upon reading, proved itself to be a suicide note) was posted to her Twitter account.

Her suicide note goes into detail, and explains the driving force behind her death. The manipulation by three people who lied to and betrayed the trust of Eden in order to force her into de-transitioning, all led by her influential religious conservative family.

Whether they want to admit it or not, they succeeded in what they did. As of March 13th 2023, her death has been confirmed

Eden gives the names of the people involved in, what is essentially her murder, so I will explain who they are and what they did to her.

Michael Pocalyko

Michael Pocalyko is the CEO of a company called "Special Investigations Limited." A business that claims they do "cyber security", and "investigations."

Not only does Michael own this company, but he has also ran as a republican political candidate before, has sat on the boards of pharmaceutical companies, is tied to investment banking and equity firms, JP Morgan, as well as the Heritage Foundation.

He contacted Eden through one of her in-real-life friends, a self-proclaimed "fixer" who told Eden he could help mend her and her family's broken relationship. Michael, and his associate Ellen Cole, introduced Eden to (alleged) Saudi Arabian lawyer Bader Alomair.

Bader Alomair

Not much is known about Bader Alomairs background, but we do know his role with Eden. Bader told Eden he was a lawyer and got her an apartment in Washington D.C. He began to take care of her financially; Eden realized he was grooming her into de-transitioning, living in the closet, and she was now an illegal immigrant (her international scholarship, which she'd been using to go to school in America, had expired which meant she could be deported) who was financially dependent on him. Feeling she had no other option she caved to his demands and changed her physical appearance, along with discontinuing her hormone therapy. She even met with her father and got back into contact with her mother. At this point Michael and Ellen had ceased all communication with her, she had an emotional breakdown and "repented," as Bader booked her a flight to Saudi Arabia.

Final Notes and Thoughts

Eden Knight was failed by so many fucking people. Failed by her transphobic family who literally drove her to death because of their bigotry. Failed by the two American investigators who cared more about money than this poor girls life. Failed by the U.S. immigration system which should've provided her asylum and support.

Eden was a beloved member of the trans community. People knew her as a sharp, witty, thoughtful person who wanted to make the world a better place. She said,

"I hope that the world gets better for us. I hope our people get old. I hope we get to see our kids grow up to fight for us. I hope for trans rights world wide."

It's been eight years since Leelah Alcorn died by suicide, isn't it fucked how we're still fighting for the same things?

Eden deserved to be happy. All of us do.